Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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