I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
