how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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