I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i drank out of a bidet.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I love you. Go after that dick
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
