okay pat passed out under dana's car
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
