just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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