so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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