Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
