I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
