Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
