Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
