honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
