Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
