I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
