i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
How external is "for external use only"?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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