I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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