tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize