My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
