u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize