I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I think my vagina is haunted
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
