Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
