were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
