Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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