Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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