Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
