I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
