Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
