you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
