Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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