this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
