He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
