you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Randomize
