i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
