I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
