You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
