I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
