Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
