Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize