His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I need moral support for this bender
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
