im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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