fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
