note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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