my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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