she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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