My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
