i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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