Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
