He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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