Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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