Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
