I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
