There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
