how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Randomize
