omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
