ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
