when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
