what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
In other news, I just burned my penis
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
