just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
