Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
