How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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