I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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