I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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