my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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