I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
