dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
