Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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