I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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