i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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