I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
