why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
