There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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