the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize