i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
