This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
