I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
