I just cut my nipple shaving
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize