did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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