there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
