My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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