Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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