..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
