oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
