she was so not down for the gang bang
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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