Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
