i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize