I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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