There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Randomize
