Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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