Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
