i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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