Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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