Non-Jews are for practice
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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