READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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