Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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