If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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