Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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