my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
