I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
the day after is always just damage control
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
