Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Randomize
